Almost three years ago my brother Nash died. Nash had Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy which makes all the muscles in your body weaken over time including heart, tongue, fingers, toes, organs. He had a heart attack midday and was in the ICU for 5 days ever since April 25th I have never been the same. I learned the real pain that most people don't feel until they are older.
Growing up with a sibling with a physical disability you grow to protect them from the world. Its because you already know that they have so much bad you don't want them to experience emotional pain. When my brother died I could not wrap my head around why or how and I still don't get it. With that my faith has fallen, I have always gone to a private catholic school but when nash passed I lost my faith. When I think about it, I think how when the fall comes the leaves fall off the branch. Those same leaves that have fallen will never go back on the tree, but the tree can grow new leaves- not the exact ones. When he died my everything fell, I couldn't just pick everything up and go back to where I was. I had to start all over again and learn how to growwith one less leaf. Because something so bad and trumizing happened to me at such a young age I looked at the world in disgust. I hated to be pitted so I push those around me away, but then I hated to be alone. So I later decided to write about topics in my head. I would stay up until 3 AM and write. It was a secret hobby. I have always been a creative person but I have never been good at english or grammar, so I didn't tell anyone. Now in this present time I started my blog exactly 2 years ago and It has changed me. I not only write about loss, depression and anxiety but I write about body image, dress code and love. Because I decided to write my blogs I have met so many young women who have struggled with the same issues and they look up to me. I have become a stronger young women. I still fear loss, pain and losing my memories with my brother, but as I get older I understand things a lot better. I believe I have changed for the better.
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